I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
