I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
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When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
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I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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