If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
