There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
