my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
