im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
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Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
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Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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