My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
