Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
