if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
