Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
