Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
