Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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