I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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