Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize