sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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