I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
