i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
