Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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