So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
being pregnant is like rehab
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
