OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize