She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
