I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
