hotel room ftw
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
