Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Pants are for mortals
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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