She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
