My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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