so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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