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so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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