Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
