Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
