i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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