I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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