There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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