oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
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Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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