All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
