I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
