Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
