either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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