As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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