physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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