Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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