gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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