The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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