She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
