He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
