Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
