I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
