The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
