hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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