That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
