I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
