I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
