oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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