my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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