question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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