I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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