do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
one two three fourrrrnication!
grandma shit on top of the toilet
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
