Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
