My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i would punch a child for taco bell
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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