even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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