In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
