I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
