Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
