I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
