i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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