Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
