I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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