so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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