I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
