When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
