Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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