Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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