You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
