My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
