I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
