Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
