You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
