I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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