The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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